What is trust?
Trust is:
Letting others know your feelings, emotions and reactions, and having the confidence in them to respect you and to not take advantage of you.
Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts with others with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately.
Placing confidence in others so that they will be supportive and reinforcing of you, even if you let down your "strong'' mask and show your weaknesses.
Assuming that others will not intentionally hurt or abuse you if you should make an error or a mistake.
The inner sense of acceptance you have of others with whom you are able to share secrets, knowing they are safe.
The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and the other.
The ability to let others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, caring, and concern to assist one another in growing and maturing independently.
The glue or cement of relationships that allows you to need others to fulfill yourself.
Opening yourself up to let others in on your background, problems, concerns, and mistakes with the assurance that they will not ostracize you because of these things.
The act of placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way.
Why do people have trouble developing trust in others?
People have trouble developing trust if they have:
Experienced a great deal of emotional and/or physical abuse and/or neglect.
Been chronically put down for the way they feel or for what they believe.
Been emotionally hurt in the past and are not willing to risk getting hurt in the future.
Had problem relationships in the past where they were belittled, misunderstood, or ignored.
Experienced the loss of a loved one through death. They can get so caught up in unresolved grief that they are unable to open themselves up to others, fearing they will be left alone again due to death, or, abandonment.
Experienced a hostile or bitter divorce, separation, or end of a relationship. They may be unable to believe anyone who opens up to them in a new, committed relationship.
Been reared in or have lived in an environment emotionally and/or physically unpredictable and volatile.
Experienced a great deal of pain at the hands of another. Even if the other finally recognizes and accepts the responsibility to change such behavior, the person fears that if they let their guard down, the pain and hurt will begin again.
Low self-esteem and cannot believe that they are deserving of the attention, care, and concern of anyone. They have problems even trusting the positive, healthy, and reinforcing behavior of another who is sincere.
Experienced a great deal of non-provoked victimization in their lives. They are unwilling to trust people, situations, or institutions for fear of being victimized again.
What are some beliefs of people who have problems trusting?
I have been hurt too much in the past, and I refuse to be hurt again now or in the future!
People are out to get all they can from you, so avoid them to survive!
As soon as you let your guard down, you will be stepped on again!
No one is to be trusted!
You always get hurt by the ones you love!
I get no respect from anyone!
All men (or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted!
Everyone is out to get me!
I am never successful in picking partners, so why try again!
As soon as you care and open up to someone, they will always leave you!
Marriage is the pits!
There is no such thing as a healthy relationship!
You can never let your guard down because all hell will break loose!
All reformations are short-lived!
If I give in and believe you have truly changed, relaxing my defenses, I am most certainly going to be hurt again once you backslide!
There is no such thing as change in behavior. It is only manipulation by others to get their way with you!
Everyone is out to get as much as they can out of you!
There is no such thing as a fair employer, generous company, or supportive work place!
It is better to live alone for the rest of my life than to risk being hurt as I was!
I will never let you know my true feelings again since, if I do open up, I'm afraid you will use them against me to hurt me!
More to come...
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